Recently we had an two day offsite for the Animation Mentor senior team. Day two we brought in an outside facilitator to help us work on improving our communication. I'd say this was one of the most insightful and humbling days I've had in a long time and I'd like to share one of the big takeaways I got from that day.
Get Curious:
We did an exercise where we took a piece of paper and folded it in half. On the right hand column we each wrote a different conversation we had recently that frustrated us. Then, on the left hand column, we wrote what was going on in our heads during particular moments in that conversation. Our facilitator noted that not a single one of us asked questions when we got frustrated. Instead we acted on what our mind/assumptions was telling us. He urged us instead to ask questions and get curious in these moments as there is almost inevitably a misunderstanding in the making.
Throughout the day he worked us through real experiential moments and we each had many opportunities to practice our new skill of getting curious. We also got feedback from our peers after each conversation -- which was extremely insightful.
I LOVE learning and there were so many incredible breakthroughs that day. I wanted to share this thought around getting curious when you start to feel "triggered" or upset as, chances are, there may be just a simple misunderstanding -- and building this muscle to REALLY listen is pretty incredible. But more on that later.
An interesting concept. It kind of reminds me of the habit of "first seek out to understand, then to be understand." From the 7 habits of highly effective people.
ReplyDeleteAlthough as you say it is very hard to stay in control when you are upset and to try and resolve things in a "smart" way rather than going to your emotional baggage of similar situations.
Each situation does require a different approach, but I'll try the question route in future and see what results I can get.
Yone, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Yes, so many things are "common sense" said in different ways to hit different cords in us. I feel this one was the tune that personally hit me strong.
ReplyDeleteNoting when I "tune out" or get "triggered" is now a BIG sign for me to want to tune IN and to ask more questions. It's hard, no doubt, and it feels great when the connection is made.
I loved this post. It's a simple concept, that kind of reminds me of a moment from the movie Fight Club, when one of the characters reveal that the reason why she enjoys going to support meetings for terminal people is because they really listen to you.
ReplyDeleteSince then, became clear to me how selfish we can be in our minds, only caring for our one-sided version of facts, not actually giving other people the proper understanting.
So yes, I do love this kind of post that makes me even more reflective on how to approach communication with those around me. Because in the end, I think that most of our anger and sadness regarding relashionship with other people is just mere misunderstanding.
Thanks Bobby for the insightful post =)